Transition: Day 18 (Sep 23 2012)

Jake and I wake like clockwork. We set alarms, but never need them. Last night we did not set an alarm, even though we had a plan for the morning- and we slept right through. I am pretty good at switching gears normally, but today it had me all weirded out that my plan didn't play out. 

I realized quickly that I had a serious case of the sundays. It's been a very long time since a Sunday has brought on anxiety, but with the doom of my job and a whole work week ahead of me, my heart felt tired already and on guard. I am not one of those people who think we should suffer through our jobs. Clearly if I did, I would have chosen a different degree and a different career. Since I have always been someone who believes I can be happy in my work, my whole system gets confused when I'm not- and even worse when I am afraid of going to work. 

Again, Jake came through, pushed us out the door and got us into the chilly beautiful chicago morning. Fresh air was the right thing. My studio time was efficient and good for the spirit once again.  I think todays piece might be my favorite yet. I have attached a photo of my studio since I moved things around a little. 

Lastly, for those of you who pray, or send good energy or whatever you want to call it- please do it for me. I am sad about my work situation. Thankfully, this time in my studio daily has become a huge tension release rather than a stress like it used to be. Its amazing to believe I am meant to do this, rather than before when I was still wrestling with whether or not I was worthy of a field I love. 


Transition: Days 16 &17 (Sep 22 2012)

Today was a sweet day. Really, so was yesterday. My Jake has been treating me-awesome. Meaning, I am getting treated left and right! Last night, after spending the evening with my sister Adeline(which was also hilarious and rejuvenating), Jake and I met up for a date. We went out for sushi at a place called Kyoto. Internally I was giving Chicago one more chance to do right by me with their sushi. I know I am spoiled rotten by california sushi- but seriously-everywhere we have tried seems like its trying to cover up something with fried-ness. Kyoto was a victory in the sushi department-thank God. We had a blast even with the college boys a couple tables down giving me a jumpy fright every few minutes with their shouts of, "SAKI BOMB!" and then a slam of fists on the table. From there we went across the street for a night cap at my most favorite bar/pub yet, called Lilly's in Lincoln Park. Lilly's reminds me of the north beach(San Francisco) saloon called Vesuvio. Really warm, and full of odd nooks and crannies and a whole lot of color. We arrived there as a lovely band started to play and we stayed way past when we intended. It was really good to give my heart and soul a boost- and from there came yesterdays piece...

Day 16: For letting the light in

Today I went to track down a UPS package that has been dodging me all week at the only holding center for all of Chicago. It was a zoo, but, what was waiting for me was an enormously generous donation of supplies for my studio from an old friend. This package was one of two that I have received this week from people wanting to give in this way. It's extremely exciting and a bit overwhelming. In a good way. Thank you so much, to the two of you. You know who you are. I'm touched. 

and todays piece...

Day 17: For keeping your heart safe along the way

I am finding that what I hoped would be true, is. Each time I make myself available to my studio, with an open heart and desire to see what happens- something gets made. I know what it is like to get stuck. I am sure I have a healthy dose of "stuck" in my future, but I am soaking up each moment that is not that. Hoping and trusting that this grace being given me right now-will last.  


Day 15: This is worth keeping (Sep 21 2012)

Yesterday was a horrendous end of the day at work. I could go into it, but seriously most of us have been in the work force for long enough to have had any number of underpaid, overworked, under appreciated job situations. So dredge up your own story and plug in to it being spoken to like a child or being a dog kicked by its unhappy owner for no reason at the end of the day-and thats my job story. Wonderfully, I happen to be walking week by week through the Artist Way right now and so was warned of some of week 4 fallout or change. 

      "Over any considerable period of time, the morning pages will perform spiritual chiropractic. They realign our values. If we are to the left or the right of our personal truth, the pages will point out the need for a course adjustment. We will become aware of our drift and correct it..."

What this mean to me currently, is that I will become more and more uncomfortable in this inappropriate job experience. Each week, I read through the given chapter and am amazed by how right on the chapter is for the point that I am at. This week, as I have grown in awareness of the ridiculousness of my job, I have also grown in stature and power and self awareness. So, I am putting motion everything I know how to in order to find another job. After freaking out in the car on my commute home- I went into my studio-with plenty of material to work with(upside of passion-even when or especially when related to anger and injustice), and found myself compassionate for the person I work for. Doesn't mean I will stay in this situation, but I sent a little love in their direction- cause God knows, if they interact in the world as they do with me, they aren't getting much love anywhere else. I turned on Sarah Sample-as her album has become an anthem for this project, and I put in physical form what I think my heart was saying when all the anger was said and done. It's hard to read in my less than perfect picture but, my badge of honor for the day reads " this is worth keeping". I think if I am honest- what I am chanting to myself is-"i am worth keeping" . But that's harder to say! Thankfully, in this job, I dont want to kept, I want out! But my little vulnerable part needed a reminder last night. 

TGIF !!!

P.S. I think I am dangerously close to a overall theme for my new portfolio- all this studio practice is really doing its job on my insides-progress!


Day 14: Everything changes (Sep 20 2012)

Another particularly heavy day at work yesterday had me in tears when I arrived home. The beauty of the process right now is that things change and this week- they change quickly. I am scared one minute that I will never pull this off or anything that i care about for that matter- and the next minute I am laughing and joyful over the sudden surge in support, or my ability to see through my own personal darkness.  I have been longing for light, and light shows up. Often what keeps me taking deep breaths is that everything changes. Just like my mamma coaches to her laboring women- No contraction can last forever. The night has an end- joy comes in the morning. It will get dark again, because thats just what happens. But each time I walk through it, I learn more about Love. And that makes it all worth it. Art as a process of loving. 


Day 13: Almost half way done and almost half way there (Sep 19 2012)

It's day 13, and almost half of what is needed is raised. I'm a little shocked. It's still wonderfully nerve-wracking and scary, but the reality is things are right on track.  That is because of you, my lovely community. Since this is true, I think its time to trust you with a failed attempt. Yesterday was cold here in Chicago, at least compared to the heat that this central cali girl is no good at. Work  was a bit of a disaster and I wanted to somehow do my part while being on the couch with my cats. So, I did that, and at the end of the night I thought, " time to get back in the studio. You're slippin." Its not that what I made is so horrendous, its just stupid. And stupid wont do. I am reminded again that this project is to get me back in the practice of seeing what does work and also what doesn't. So, here is last nights pin. It looks like an awkward bloated bean. 

Sending Love and receiving it. 



Transition: Days 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 (Sep 18 2012)

I returned from Pittsburgh yesterday. Its harder than I thought to make studio time away from the studio, but I did keep to my plan. Below is a piece a day for 7, 8, 9, and 10. I am at work and left 11 at home by accident, so I will put that one up tonight! The highlight of my trip was a visit to the Mattress Factory- so I am also posting a couple pictures from that trip- A permanent piece by artist Yayoi Kusama. A piece from a current Exhibition called Feminist and... by artist Ayanah Moor.  A picture of my pittsburgh adventure partner, Suzy Q and I . It was a trip full of inspiring moments in terms of art material- and now I am really happy to be home again, with my sweet sweet studio at my finger tips. More Soon. 

PS: Thanks so much for all your support. I wake up daily, continuing to be overwhelmed by the good and loving people that I am surrounded and supported by. 


update from the air: transition days 5&6. (Sep 13 2012)

i have landed today in Pittsburgh for some fun and hopefully a little rest. Want you all yo know i am keeping up my end of the bargain! Its just been too busy to write. So, day 5 & 6 go together...although 6 is not fully finished, just needs a backing....tomorrow i finally get to visit the mattress factory! It has been a want for years. More tomorrow.... Ps. I'm doing this from my phone, so maybe it will be messier than usual


Transition: Day 4 (Sep 11 2012)

Last night I came home and decided it was time to finish off the horse idea. So, here she is. Still loving this daily ritual, even when I'm tired. So so glad I am keeping up. 


Transition: Day 3 (Sep 10 2012)

Yesterday in the studio was blissful. With my new job, I work really long hours during the week-about 11 a day. So, coming home on those days and going into the studio is something I am committed to, but it's a challenge to put out that energy. Yesterday, I went in fresh and for as long as I wanted. I think that the piece that came out of it shows that I had a little more space in my heart and in my day. I'm very happy with it! 


Be careful what you pray for: Day 1, 2, and 3. (Sep 9 2012)

I figure its time to say a little something to my team of faithful, loving, new and life-long supporters. 

This is super awesome and super hard! I went into the studio the night that I launched this project with so much energy and excitement thanks to the swift and generous response I received in less than 8 hours of being live. This is what that first night looked like:

go down to the studio, light some candles, pour a small glass of wine, turn on my music, and dig through my pile of stuff to see what grabs my attention. I know! I will finally cut that weird horse shaped bottle opener into pieces...that'll be awesome. Its probably just aluminum or something.

 Two hours later: Barely through cutting off the neck of said horse, I'm sneezing, and wiping my face with my arm. My arm is obviously covered in (maybe)steel shavings-this could be why the sawing is endless-and i have now wiped those shavings all over my face. I go to wash it off and realize I have to walk around the studio to drip dry because I am a metal artist, who works with all kinds of nasty crap, and nothing is safe for my face. I retreated into the house a little while later for a break .My partner reminded me that I am raising money in order to have time to make art instead ofworking 11 hour days at a job that pays me nothing to then come home and spend 5 hours in the studio. So, then my challenge was to take a step back and remind myself of the goal, while setting up some boundaries. I reminded myself that I promised to make something everyday of the 30 days that this is up and running. I said they would be the equivalent of sketches. So, my boundaries are as follows: 

1.Shut up the critique when she gets really loud -she makes everything take longer. 

2. I have no longer than 2 hours per day to do this particular exercise. 

3. I must think about transition while doing this exercise.

*side-note: I do not have the capabilities to solder at the moment, so I am stealing some of what I learned from participating in Radical Jewelry Makeover                                                                  ( This is to say, I am repurposing old jewelry, using lots of found objects, cold connections, no new metal. Its a little frustrating but also a really great stretch for my brain and my studio practice. I hope you enjoy the end result as much as I enjoy the process. 

Below are some pictures of what has been made or attempted thus far. The first one is the unfinished horse, which will get tackled eventually. Then we have Transition: Day 1, and Transition: Day 2. For scale, they all fit in the palm of my hand...

The pictures are amateur, people, much like the video!

twoheaded horse.jpg