Yesterday was a horrendous end of the day at work. I could go into it, but seriously most of us have been in the work force for long enough to have had any number of underpaid, overworked, under appreciated job situations. So dredge up your own story and plug in to it being spoken to like a child or being a dog kicked by its unhappy owner for no reason at the end of the day-and thats my job story. Wonderfully, I happen to be walking week by week through the Artist Way right now and so was warned of some of week 4 fallout or change.
"Over any considerable period of time, the morning pages will perform spiritual chiropractic. They realign our values. If we are to the left or the right of our personal truth, the pages will point out the need for a course adjustment. We will become aware of our drift and correct it..."
What this mean to me currently, is that I will become more and more uncomfortable in this inappropriate job experience. Each week, I read through the given chapter and am amazed by how right on the chapter is for the point that I am at. This week, as I have grown in awareness of the ridiculousness of my job, I have also grown in stature and power and self awareness. So, I am putting motion everything I know how to in order to find another job. After freaking out in the car on my commute home- I went into my studio-with plenty of material to work with(upside of passion-even when or especially when related to anger and injustice), and found myself compassionate for the person I work for. Doesn't mean I will stay in this situation, but I sent a little love in their direction- cause God knows, if they interact in the world as they do with me, they aren't getting much love anywhere else. I turned on Sarah Sample-as her album has become an anthem for this project, and I put in physical form what I think my heart was saying when all the anger was said and done. It's hard to read in my less than perfect picture but, my badge of honor for the day reads " this is worth keeping". I think if I am honest- what I am chanting to myself is-"i am worth keeping" . But that's harder to say! Thankfully, in this job, I dont want to kept, I want out! But my little vulnerable part needed a reminder last night.
P.S. I think I am dangerously close to a overall theme for my new portfolio- all this studio practice is really doing its job on my insides-progress!